"There's A Little Bit Everywhere."

I wrestled on whether or not to tell this story.  It is my story, I thought.  A story I might pass down for my children, but certainly not tell the whole world.  Then I realized that my story was God's Story.  And so here it goes:

Let me tell you about a woman I know.  She embodied the word, entitled.  She was certainly not raised that way but she liked nice things.  She lived in a constant state of deserving.  She deserved name-brand clothes and shoes.  She deserved a nice car and good food.  She worked hard so everything she had was well... deserved.  She always claimed to be a Christian, and she was.  She went to church on Sundays and loved God and Jesus.  She volunteered at a women's shelter and had two girls whom she supported in another country.  She'd kiss their framed picture when she passed by them, and felt like she was really doing a world of good.  She knew their was suffering on the other side of this world, but it didn't directly affect her. She didn't know their stories or maybe she didn't care.  She claimed ignorance.  "You can't save everyone." 

There was a wonderful man who wanted to marry her.  She told him absolutely...when he was able to afford this ring she always wanted.  This ring.  Oh, let me just tell you about it.  It was over two carets.  It shined 'like the top of the Chrysler Building.'  This precious man saved up and bought his bride this ring.  It was beautiful.  Every outfit looked perfect with it.  Compliments were constant.  And she loved the compliments, even if she swore she didn't.

Years would pass by and she would be blessed with four children.  Each child changed her for the better. 

Then it happened.  She hadn't prayed that God and His son would change her heart.  After all, she felt like her heart was pretty darn good.  She prayed for wisdom...and with wisdom came humility.  She would look down at her ring and feel embarrassed.  She thought about her children.  What if she couldn't feed them?  What if they couldn't wear diapers and had to urinate on themselves?  What if her child died in her arms from starvation while a woman not so far away was wearing a ring that could pay for her child's food?  What if not naming her baby was better so she didn't become attached when it died?  A ring.  A pesky diamond ring.  What's in a diamond ring anyway?  This ring could pay for her child's food and education, that's what.  But she wasn't worth it to this woman.  The ring was worth more.  

What if a ring signified what was wrong with the world?  This ring shined on her finger while women, men, and children died of hunger.  The ring was no longer beautiful or stunning.  The people she met and the stories she encountered were just that...beautiful and stunning.

She needed wisdom from the only being that could provide such clarity, God and His son Jesus.  Wisdom changed her heart.  Her generous husband allowed her to sell the ring he thought meant so much to her.  His heart had changed too.  They were able to buy mattresses for children sleeping on concrete floors of their orphanage.  They were able to buy chicken coups for girls to sustain a living in their sons' country.  They were able to make more lasting relationships with women all over Africa, helping them with schooling and keeping their children.  They were able to help people all around them who needed it.  They were able to use God's money to love others. 

I bet this was His plan all along.  And to think He knew how our story would play out years ago when I accepted a ring that I so thought I deserved.  He knew our story.

I didn't think anyone would notice.  Then I started feeling anxious about how to respond when people asked where my ring was.  So I went back and looked at pictures of all the lives that were changed. Now I can say, "There's a Little Bit Everywhere."

It's Been One of Those Weeks.

You know...the kind of weeks where you are looking around for someone playing a prank on you, because you can't possibly have this kind of luck.

The kind of week where you are so angry at no moment in your adoption that you take it out on a fly in your home and spend the entire 2 hour nap time hunting it and then bashing the fly way past the point of death.

The kind of week where you are grocery shopping, packing all your meat at the bottom of your cart while opening the fruit snacks for your kiddos and then all your meat flies out of the bottom of the cart and you run over it... with all four wheels.  And meat is everywhere and you still purchase it, because you have to.

The kind of week where you are so excited that you have a doctor's appointment even if it is super uncomfortable just because you get to catch up with People magazine.  And then you hear your name and walk to the nurse calling you and the woman behind you says, "Hey, that's my name."  And then I have to sit back down because my last name is not Wright anymore.  But how do you explain that to everyone in the waiting room who thinks you should also see the head doctor next door.

The kind of week where you leave the mall with your daughter after taking her for a fun outing and then search for your van for an hour.  "Now, let's see I thought I parked on this side of the mall.  Cealy, did you see this store when we were walking in?"

The kind of week where Sebastian has put me at my breaking point every minute of the day.  Running left when I say right and quickly putting something in his mouth that he shouldn't just to see me squirm.  Hiding so well when we are NOT playing hide and seek that I am crying and running around begging him to come out.  And he is under the trampoline in the basement smiling.

The kind of week where you have to sleep on the floor and not your bed, because your back is pulled from some unknown 34-pound assailant.

The kind of week there you are so hungry that you are shaking and you sit down and eat an entire large bag of chocolate pretzels.  Because that helped?

The kind of week when someone says, "You go out on the boat, you go to the pool, you have it made." And I want to pull their hair like Sebastian does when Ceal makes him mad.  Because I praise God daily and am grateful, but having 3 kids on a boat and at the pool is anything but laid back.  My mind is spinning.  "Don't jump, don't breathe, don't wave to them, don't leave that step."  The kind of week where you want your children to have a fabulous Summer, but you are barely blinking.

Just one of those weeks.

Last birthday party together?  I think if they continue to want them together we will have big parties.  Why not?

Our nightly routine of playing basketball before bed.

The highlight of my Summer, my cousin Jess coming home for 6 weeks before she is off to London to teach yet again for another year!

Anytime we hang with Grandpam and Jess is always fun and full of adventure.  Cealy still runs around yelling, "Echo Echo!"  Because Grandpam yelled this under the bridge.

Sebastian, please get off sissy's barbie cruise ship.  Not a riding toy!

Pop took us out on the boat for Cruz's first boat ride!  Here is Sebastian driving with Pop and wearing his sissy's life jacket. 

Mother in training.  "Now Cruz, don't move while the boat is on."

Cruz called Pop, Papaw the whole time.  Pop makes everyone feel loved and you would think he was your Pop too.

Out on a night boat ride with our cousins.  Tyler and Jake are so good with him.  Jake played with him during the whole dinner and Sebastian was a happy boy!

Cealy will swim all around by herself.  Sebastian will get in if his daddy is in the water.

Just enjoying a snack after swimming.

Sebastian takes his T-Rex on walks.

Highlight of Cealy's life: Build A Bear.  Her first experience was an A+.  We had a total blast until the bill...  She made a Koala but named it Teddy?  She never puts it down.  It is her new best buddy. Apparently the koala was apart of some show on disney with a boy.  The adorable helper asked her if she got it because she had a crush on the boy in this show.  Are you real life?  My 3 year old.  No.

Sassy can't breathe.  Kenz remember that one?

An actual game of hide and go seek.  They did a great job.  In all seriousness, Sebastian could enter a hide contest and never be found.  He holds his breath to be quiet.  It is hilarious.

  

She is Going to Be What?

My Cecilia is going to be 4 years old.  She helps around the house, watches her brother, loves to play babies, puzzles and memory.  Her shy meter is still a 10, but she says hello and answers questions.  She loves to sleep in our bed, and usually shows up around 1am.  She is my best buddy.  I would take her to eat with the girls, she is that cool of a chick.  She prays and talks to Jesus throughout the day like her mother.  I asked her the other day on our walk who she was talking to and she said, "Oh I was just asking Jesus to bring home our brothers and sissy."

I love her innocent self.  I love the way she loves her brother.  I love that she wants to live with us forever, "even when I'm real old!" I love the way she back seat drives....maybe not.  Yesterday she told me to, "concentrate on the road," and asked if I mapped where we were going. (We went somewhere new.)

Cealy asked me the other day if her brothers and sissy liked Heaven?  I about freaked.  What do you mean?  She said, "They live in Heaven, right?"  Then I realized that this whole journey I have been praying aloud that God and Jesus bring home Malachi and Dominic.  I also prayed many of times for God and Jesus to bring home my grandmother when she was sick.  I meant two different homes.  I prayed for my grandmother's permanent home in Heaven, and for Malachi and Dominics' temporary home here on earth.  But I never specified that for my Ceal, and the poor thing has been very confused.

She is the best role model for Sebastian.  She often talks to him like she is his mommy.  "Honey, that is not a bee it is a fly."  Funny story: Sebastian has taken after my younger sister and despises a bee.  He runs around our home and yells, "Mean bee!!"  Yesterday, he was talking about a bee being mean, and I told him once again that it is a fly in our home and not a bee.  Then I looked down on his arm an hour later and saw the biggest bee sting on his chubby little arm.  Noooooo!! Poor little guy did in fact get stung by a mean bee in our home.  Mother of the year over here.

Are You Moving?

This is the question we have been asked a lot lately.  "Are you moving?"  And it always baffles me, because we don't have a "For Sale" sign in our yard.

It took my awhile to comprehend.  I mean, I don't generally see a friend or neighbor and ask, "Hey, how have you been?  Oh and are you moving?"

Then someone added on to their question and this time it was clear, "Are you moving?...because you don't have enough bedrooms?"

Ehhhh, really?  See I never saw this as a moving point.  Bedrooms are for sleeping.  I lived with 120 women in college and slept in a cold dorm.  Chicago was the best place to have lived, because the living space was so small we were forced to get outside everyday.  I think this is a rich people thing, because most people don't have their own bedrooms.  A lot of my students in Chicago shared rooms with their mom.  They all slept in the same bed.  And these were some cool kids.

My favorite memory is my sisters and I playing games and laughing until we fell asleep.  My little sister would hide our stuffed animal in the same darn place every time it was her turn.  She turned out to be brighter a couple of years later.  Hehe.

Yes, our children will all share rooms, and to be honest I think they will be better for it.  Plus, I am still scared to sleep alone so anytime my husband travels I will be bunking it with my boys :)

Breastfeeding.

Ewww, weeee did you read that title?  Yes, I put it out there.  I just decided that we needed to talk about breastfeeding today.

I have a hard time talking about this.  Good Lord, I wanted to breastfeed my children, I really did.  And the pressure the La Leche League and everyone else puts on a new mother is more than a little lady can handle. 

I had dreams folks.  I was going to be a breastfeeding machine.  I was going to give my children the upper hand in life and give them all the nutrients they desired.  And then the day came.  My Cecilia was born.  And it was hell.  And I don't mean it hurt a little and I had to forge through it, I mean pure, hell.  I got mastitis and if anyone remembers I was in the ER with 4 med students looking directly at my breasts nodding, "Okay, so this is what mastitis looks like."  I was suppose to wake up at night and feed my baby, and then pump, and then fall asleep real quick, and then wake up again.  Ummm, what?

I was a mess.  Day two with Sebastian I was pumping bottles of blood.  True.Story.

So I watch my little sister just breastfeed her baby away with ease.  I hear the mother next door just say how easy it has been and how "her little feeder must be going through a growth spurt, because she is just feeding all day"  And I wonder how women do it.

I understand I had issues.  But I have to say I am jealous of all the women who just walk around and carry on conversations all the while their child is just feeding away.

So to my mothers who were not able to succeed, I just want to tell you that I get it.  My youngest is two years old and I still struggle with the fact that I was not able to breastfeed my children.  And yes I tried for a couple or weeks or so but this was a failure for me.  And the pressure women get, Ugg.  Just makes me so mad.  Give us a break, Geesh.

Adopting Out of Birth Order.

What?  What did you say?

Yes, this can be a big 'No, No' to many, but works for us.  This is situational.

I remember our social worker's first visit.  She asked about birth order and how much it mattered and I remember then that it did not matter to us.

Then a year later our precious daughter comes into our lives and is older than our oldest child, Cecilia.  We did not have to think about the decision.  We knew God presented her to us.  It was an absolute yes!

For some families it works and for some families it does not work.  I have read many places where people are very against this idea and others where it works for their family.  It is definitely a family by family situation.  Are you worried about your child losing their place in the family?  Losing their identity? 

Our oldest child is not territorial.  She is not strong willed.  She loves older children and thinks following them around and learning from them is about the coolest thing ever.  We have always taught her from day one that nothing in this house is hers (yes, that may sound harsh) but Jesus has loaned it to us.  She also knows her place in our family.  She is our daughter, as is "B," who is very far away from us right now.

Now before you think I am somehow calling your older child stubborn or cruel, I most definitely am not.  I know many amazing, smart, kind-hearted, territorial, oldest child in the family type kids and they are about the cutest kids on the planet.  I also am certainly not bragging as if you saw me at My Gym today I left crying and upset as my son pushed down a baby for the 2nd time, and could have cared less about time-out.  It just so happens that God graced us with a first born who is sooo excited to share her room that she has drawers empty already and her sister will not be home for a long time.

You know your family.  We will have a huge learning curve.  It will not be easy, but the best things in life never are.  God Bless.

I'm Wowwy.

Anytime Sebastian does something he should not...which is often.  He comes running out of the room yelling, "I wowwy.  I wowwy."  So he is trying to apologize, but umm he has packed the vents which is an automatic time out.  Then he goes in for this biggest kiss as I try to place him in time out.  This kid has be figured out.  Here is our short video from today.

Cealy sings around the house all day.  You can usually find her in her clubhouse which is where she lives with her grandparents?  Today she is Vidian and is 7 years old. 

Danny pulled a bag of chips out of the pantry and asked which child opened the bag.  As I was trying to blame one, he asked me how on earth I manage to open the chips in a manner a dog might?  For some reason when I open a bag, it just opens rips open from the top to bottom.  I guess I am that excited to eat.

Blind Faith.

I was feeling all sorts of sorry for myself at our July 4th cookout at my aunt's house.  I sure was having a blast, but deep down I was sad.  Then Uncle Greg comes over and says, "Hey, you heard anything about your 3 babies coming home?"  And I wanted to melt.  I explained our next hurdle, and he said, "Well then they will come home after that."  He saw my face.  My face read that I didn't believe it.

"You have to believe that He will bring them home.  God and Jesus know your heart.  They will bring home your children, but you have to believe they will.  He is capable of anything, and you are allowing Satan to enter your thoughts.  So sit up straight and tell me when you think they are coming home."

And that was that.  My 4th of July was fabulous.  I laughed, played games, ran after my kiddos, and smiled in the fact that our God and His son Jesus will bring our children home to me.  They will share little pieces of these children as they have so generously shared Cealy and Sebastian with us.

Thank you Uncle Greg.

Picture overload.

Do you want to jump into the picture below and hold my sweet niece?  Umm, I do.  She is so yummy.  I am on the other end of skype pretend holding her, and if anyone chimed into my sister's and my conversation as I am pretend holding Amelie while giving her kisses, I would be put into a home.  I love her so much.  And my sis lives in Switzerland.  She did this to me on purpose. 

Just Uncle Deacon playing with the kids.  Never in my life met a 24 year old that is better with children.  They love him.

Grandpa Steve just being a kid.

Our grocery has a horse you can ride for a penny.  Did you hear me?  A penny.  And people still come up with dollar bills, because it seems unreal.

Still our favorite toy of the Summer!

My nephew, Cruz.  Garsh, He is so cute.  Anytime he wants me to tickle him and runs up to me and says, "Manny, Keke loves me more!"

Just watering the flowers and spraying each other in the sun.  Our favorite.

See those epic sunglasses.  Around no longer.  Green is my favorite color, but Sebastian wants everything to do with breakable things.

Here is our closet in the basement where Cealy and Sebastian spend at least an hour laying and looking at the stars.  I make dinner and not a peep.

Anytime Cealy is quite and minding her own, Sebastian comes out of no where and pounces her.  Imagine me coming into a room at a friends house and seeing my son sitting on top of her 15 pound daughter!  Mortified.

Here Cealy is pretending to be on a boat and she had no blankets so she used the rug on the boat?  And Sebastian is? 

Water park!  Sebastian hates it there.  Would rather be in his crib.

Always eating on the porch.  There is nothing I don't LOVE about the Summer.

And I wonder why he falls?  Really?

Just getting ready for work she says.

Went to Court's lake house and the kiddos bathed together.  So much fun this weekend.

Yes, I give the child drinks.  But anytime he sees a puddle, perfect opportunity to drink.

Anytime you look for Ceal she is reading.  Today we read a story about a girl who went swimming in the ocean.  But when she got in her car the jellyfish followed her.  Cealy could not put down the book, because "the jellyfish is just going to die! It can't live without water."  The author did not know she was going to send my child into a panic by letting this jellyfish follow the girl home.

*Note: You are not crazy.  I deleted my last post.  I simply can't process everything that is happening with our adoption or how much my heart hurts.  This is not easy, but worth it.  I will ask for your prayers.  Please pray for our children.  Please pray that no matter the outcome, they will always be loved, and know our God and His son, Jesus.