Sebastian's Murmur.

Some of you may know, my sweet little Sebastian was born with a murmur. Many children are, but they close soon after birth. However, My little little Sebastian's heart was not closing, and appointment after appointment, the doctor said, we will send him to a pediatric cardiologist, and see if it needs closed.

I tried with all my might to stay positive. I prayed and prayed. I thought about it often but then I gave it to God. After my last appointment I was angry with God. "How could you not listen to me, after I have been asking for so long?"

My appointment was today. I felt sick. My sister Mackenzie went with me and took care of my sweet Cecilia. Of course the two of them kept most of my thoughts on funny things. Cealy is semi-potty trained but I sure just took her without a diaper so Mackenzie had trips to the bathroom that were unsuccessful but funny for me.

The doctor was a peach in a half. She said let's take a look at his heart on ultrasound, and we will see if we need further appointments. She was very laid back, and I was already thankful I was in her hands.

The ultrasound technician, was an angel. Her name was Nancy, and by all accounts she was send from God to be in that room. I would have believed that she was an actual angel that flew back up to heaven after we were through, but my mom knows and loves her and so she is said to be real. Nancy is confident and happy. She loves her job and it shows. Sebastian smiled at her the whole time, and she took my mind off my sweet son's heart. Nancy talked about anxiety and not worrying about what tomorrow will bring or what we cannot control. "More adults would be cured of cancer like these children I see everyday, if they would not think about having cancer every minute. If we would all act like children at times, we would see that life is fun and not worry so much." When I told her I was going to be 30 soon, she lit up, "Are you excited?" I have never been asked that, but yes, I think I am. She said she loved being in her 40's. She has lived and learned, and has mental clarity. She makes getting older seem like a gift, and shouldn't it be?

After a wonderful conversation, the doctor came in and said it closed. "What closed?" His heart murmur is gone, she said, and it closed all on its own.

I thought the best news I would receive would be that Sebastian would not have to have surgery. I prayed that God put his hand on Sebastian's heart, and he did.

God also brought me Nancy today.

Today was a day that makes the ugly or bad days all worth it. A day that is better than being on vacation in the sun. A day where I learned how to be patient in waiting on God's answer. And a day where I was able to meet someone that passed on a great life lesson.

Isaiah 64:4 God works on behalf of the ones that wait for him.

Adoption.

I have wanted to adopt since I knew I wanted children.

I have prayed to God for a long time to help guide me to adoption. We would be open to the foster adopt program in Indiana, or we would adopt internationally. I loved my students as my own. I had many children from foster care. I loved them and I happened to love many of their foster parents. I saw many happy stories, and many children being loved. I have also seen the sad stories, and I understand the obstacles.

Keeping this in mind, every child in this world is a child of God.  We are all brothers and sisters through Christ. Tony Dungy said, "God adopted all of us into his family."

We will see where we end up in this process. We feel extremely blessed with Cecilia and Sebastian, and we would love to add to our family if willing. It is all in God's hands.

The Things she says...

I told Ceal I think it was time she sat on the potty.

"Ummmm, I don't think so, but thank you for asking."

I starred at her in amazement for I think about a minute before she said, "I have to go now and finish my books in the book room, Bye."

And she left. I had no comment and really I couldn't move because I instantly thought I had a teenager, who thought being polite would get her out of being grounded or something.

When Nana came to babysit while I went to the dentist for the first time in...well I will just say a while, Nana told Cealy that Sebastian wasn't smiling. Cealy told her, "Well, he just misses my mommy."

She covers her ears the second we open the door to the garage, because she is afraid of the garage door opening. She thinks it is tooo loud. Cecilia is sensitive, I have learned. We all think our children are especially special of course. God made Cecilia for Danny and I to share with him. And I am ever so thankful. She is beyond my wildest dreams. She has never had any jealousy towards Sebastian. When he cries, she tells me to hold him and we both sing what my mom sang to me many years ago:

Mr. Moon, Mr. Moon you're out too soon, the sun is still in the sky.
So go back to bed and cover up your head, and wait till the day goes by.
Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo.
From out the old battered down tree, the owl cries out, "Whose here?"
And from the distant forest, the Coo Coo answers clear.
Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo Coo.

Sebastian is 5 months!

He is huge and scrumptious. His smile will light up your life, even at 3am. When I want to punch a wall, because of the lack of sleep I am enduring, this child is smiling at 3am. He does not like to nap longer than 15 minutes, but he has me hooked for life. He will scream like he's being pinched, and the second I pick him up, he stops. He wants me to hold him while cooking, and hold him while eating. I hold him so often I am in need of a back and hip transplant. If I leave and come home, the second he hears my voice he will cry until I pick him up. He sure knows how to make a mama feel important. My little man, who loves his mama.

Humble Reminders.

"Everything we have was given to us. None of us asked to be born or specified the conditions under which we came into the world. We did not choose our talents or our physical features. We did not select our place of birth or our native language. We may have been careful in choosing our paths, but our drive and our wisdom was given to us by our Creator. We did not make our own circumstances, build our own brains, or control our own relationships. Everything we have is a gift."

I love this scripture. It is powerful and life-altering.

Lost Phone?

I could not find my phone all day.

I looked everywhere.

I started to get angry, because I realized the bright idea of calling it to find out where it was could NOT happen, without another phone to call it.

Later in the day, I walked into the dining room to the swing on high, (like always, because Ceal puts her babies in there). But it was just Sebastian's jammies, so I threw them out and turned off the swing.

I heard a big clunk on the floor. What could that be? How in the world is my phone inside Sebastian's jammies in the swing?

"Cealy?" "Yes Mommy," ever so sweetly might I add.

"What did you do to my phone?"

"It was sleepy, so I put its jammies on and put it in the swing to go night night."

I can't believe I didn't look there.

Tuesdays are for FUN!

Nana and Pop took us out to C.R. Heros for a FUN Tuesday night dinner. I love middle of the week dinners where there is no cooking involved, and people want to come together just for fun!

If you must notice, Deb is the most photogenic human on this earth. She looks good in EVERY picture. I try not to get in pictures with her, because there is never a vote as to who looks better. I won't tell you her age, but I will tell you I am 29 and she is older than me, so I should be looking every bit as good as her. She does not tell me secrets to her beauty, but one day I will find that face cream, you just wait.

Yes, Deb is THAT much fun to get her face painted with Cealy.

Pop waited in line with Cealy so she could get a balloon dog and name it Sophie. Cealy loves her some Pop.

End of the night, not looking so happy huh? As soon as she finds out Pop and Nana are going to THEIR home, and we are going to OURS she loses that sweet little demeanor she once had.

Whose kid is this?

I am folding laundry (as I do everyday and can't understand where it all comes from) when in marches Cealy.

"Mommy, that was not nice. You need to use your manners."

"What did I do?"

"I sneezed in the kitchen and you didn't say bless you."

"Well Okay, Bless you."

"Alright." And she walks away. She will take ANY chance she can to call me out!

Ceal's Video Debut.

Cealy came upstairs from the basement, and turned on the computer to make her video debut.

My Sleeping Beauty.

This is my Sleeping Beauty, who never takes off her dress, not ever. She sleeps in the dress and flips when I need to wash it. Yes I take you places in this dress with your tutu underneath to make it really look fashionable.

You are in a big girl bed now. I was very nervous for this at first but it worked out perfectly. You stay there until I come get you. I am a bit confused by it. At night you scream for me to get you. Your dad and I put you to bed, and you scream for Mommy for about 5 minutes. It makes me feel horrible. I completely understand guilt parenting. It takes a lot not to run in there and stay with you until you stop crying. I have to tell myself to walk away and soon you are talking to your animals until you fall asleep. You never get out of your bed, even when I tell you to come get me when you wake. I am pretty amazed by it. Let's see how long this lasts.

If someone comes to the house, you always look at me, and say, "Mommy you not leaving me right?" Good thing, I stay at home with you! I feel blessed to have you everyday. Soon you will be away at school, and I won't have all this time to breathe you in, so I will take this time to make memories. Today you said, "Mommy, you never leaving me." It melts my heart. As soon as I had kids, I realized how painful it must be for any parent to have to leave their children for good. I can't imagine the pain of knowing you will die, and not be there for your children. I can only imagine that your dad's mother and father are there for him in Heaven. I hope to never leave you and your brother, but if I ever did, you better believe I will your brightest angel in Heaven.