I am reading the small book, The 21 Most Effective Prayers of the Bible. Each prayer is just so good, and the people behind them astound me. Their faith and drive are noteworthy.
Lately, I have been mad. I realize I said I was tucking that away, but the wounds are cutting too deep this month. When I don't think I can take anymore bad news, I get just a little more. I sat in the dressing room of a boutique the other day sobbing. I couldn't get out, I didn't want anyone to see the chick who was fine one minute and lost it the next. I am breaking. But just the other day, I got up to read my sweet book and prayed the prayer, "Send me." Isaiah asked God to send him to do something great. I just prayed that Jesus would open my eyes to others, and I kid you not this happened:
My little sister and I were leaving Target while it was raining. We were running at top speed with Cealy, because....not sure why we couldn't get wet, but at the time it seemed pertinent we remain dry. We were getting into our car when I saw an older woman out in the rain. Now I am the least bit observant, but I felt her on my heart. It was raining, why was she not getting into her car right away? She walked away, and we were pulling out when I told my little sister we needed to follow her. We drove down 3 isles until we saw her again, and I rolled down my window. Again, if you know me and how shy I am, then you would know that I barely talk to people I know, let alone strangers. "Mam, you wouldn't be looking for your car would you?" She looked up with the saddest look on her face, and said, "Yes, I am, and I have no idea where I parked." Mackenzie jumped out of the car and brought this sweet, delicious woman to the passengers seat while we drove around looking. She didn't even know what type of car she drove. She gave her keys to Mackenzie and we went up and down every isle until we were on the other side of the parking lot where we found her car. She looked up at me and said, "I just feel so blessed. I wish I could make you cookies or something." I told her Jesus sent me, better make those cookies for Him.
I also pray for her today, as I realized that she has the beginning signs of dementia. I remember my grandmother calling my mom when she couldn't find her way home from the grocery that she went to every week of her life, or she couldn't remember what her car looked like. Now don't be running to your doctor when you can't find your car in the parking lot, because that is all of us...minus my older sister who probably counts spaces.
Just two small words might change your day. "Send me."
12.28.2013
12.09.2013
She called me Mama.
My little girl sent me a message. In it, she called me Mama. I must have watched the video a hundred times, and Cealy watched it one hundred more. She kept asking, "She is my sister, right?" Adopting an older child, brings on more questions for me than a baby. I wonder if she will call me, Mommy? I wonder if she will like me? I wonder if she will want to share her memories? Will she be afraid? All the emotions she should feel...I just wonder if she will ever want to call me Mommy?
Two beautiful friends of mine visited my children. They talked to them, took pictures with them, and loved on them while I cannot. Both of my friends were experiencing great pain and grief of their own, but crept outside of it for me. They were leaving their children in a few short hours, after fighting for them for weeks. I heard their sadness, their aching hearts, but constantly reassured me. They are such generous, selfless people. I will never forget their love.
My boys were eating the whole time, and while I was so afraid by one of my son's weight, she assured me he was doing well. He talked her ear off. One is shy, just like my Cealy. One is a talker, the other a runner.
For now, I pray. I watch their videos constantly. I look at her smile, and rest in Jesus taking care of them while I can't. I turn from anger. At least I try. I am angry, but it doesn't look good on me. It doesn't feel right. I am reading, The 21 Most Effective Prayers of the Bible, by Dave Earley. I love reading about people who relied on God for everything. People who lived with humility, shame, sinned, but prayed to God throughout their days, everyday. It helps me stay hopeful.
She called me, Mama. I think I'll go watch that video a hundred more times. Thank you both, two beautiful women who I met through such a tough time, but whose friendships have made me a better person.
Two beautiful friends of mine visited my children. They talked to them, took pictures with them, and loved on them while I cannot. Both of my friends were experiencing great pain and grief of their own, but crept outside of it for me. They were leaving their children in a few short hours, after fighting for them for weeks. I heard their sadness, their aching hearts, but constantly reassured me. They are such generous, selfless people. I will never forget their love.
My boys were eating the whole time, and while I was so afraid by one of my son's weight, she assured me he was doing well. He talked her ear off. One is shy, just like my Cealy. One is a talker, the other a runner.
For now, I pray. I watch their videos constantly. I look at her smile, and rest in Jesus taking care of them while I can't. I turn from anger. At least I try. I am angry, but it doesn't look good on me. It doesn't feel right. I am reading, The 21 Most Effective Prayers of the Bible, by Dave Earley. I love reading about people who relied on God for everything. People who lived with humility, shame, sinned, but prayed to God throughout their days, everyday. It helps me stay hopeful.
She called me, Mama. I think I'll go watch that video a hundred more times. Thank you both, two beautiful women who I met through such a tough time, but whose friendships have made me a better person.
12.02.2013
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