Three Cheers.

Yesterday was Taylor's 46th chemo, her goodbye to cancer.  Remember that picture I posted about a year ago of Ceal, Taylor, Drew, and Hudson sitting on the steps.  Taylor had braids and a huge smile.  The braids are gone, but that smile is still huge.  Bald beauty.  Oh.My.Heart.

I wore this shirt Sunday at church.  Sevenly has captured my heart- This shirt was raising money for childhood cancer.  I personally had never known a child with cancer.  I was in agony for them.  My girlfriends would come over and we would just stare at each other in disbelief.  Our hearts hurt.

How do you tell a friend that their tragic battle over the last year has changed your life?  Watching her daughter fight cancer has changed the way you look at your children?  You don't.  You just remember to live your life different.  To be grateful for everything, what an enormous life lesson.

School didn't seem so important.  Whether Ceal knew her numbers or could cut perfectly was the last thing on my mind.  We danced.  We played.  We laughed.  Everyday started to really matter.  Now I think about today.  How molding my children to be loving people is the only thing that matters. 

I looked at Ceal's teachers differently.  I kept thinking about Taylor's father.  Are his student's parents compassionate?  Do they understand what he is going through this year?  Instead of criticizing Ceal's teacher, I thanked her...always.

I look at people around me differently.  If you saw Taylor's mother grocery shopping, you'd have no idea the agony she faced everyday.  How she got up every morning, smiled, and created the best day for her children.  She danced at the Zoo.  She made forts at home.  She was an example to so many.  She constantly thought of those around her.  Asking me about my boys and buying Cealy books when she was having a hard time in school.  She did things for others that no one really knows about, and that is they way she likes it.  What a good lesson for me to live by.

So yesterday was such a big day.  I wish this family never had to endure this for their daughter.  Yet, she is clear and ready for her new life.  She has much more courage than adults.  Three Cheers to a mighty 3-year-old.

Valentine's Party.

I knew this day would come.  When I felt terrible for not being able to do it all. 

Having one child or even spreading them out more makes giving your children that one on one attention so easy.  But I wanted it this way.  I want my children to be close in age.  I wanted love to matter more than perfection.

Okay so at school today there was a game, art project, and cookie making fun.

I watched parents sit with thier kiddos and perfectly glue the wings to their Lovebug: Cealy's were on upside down.  She glued the heart piece to her face.  Sebastian was slapping the table and eating the stickers.

Cookie making-I could not help put on her icing as Sebastian was running all over the room.  And yes I brought a stroller, but if you have ever heard Sebastian in the stroller you would beg me to get him out. 

Bingo-There was no prompting Ceal to put the candy on the correct letter, shape, or number in Bingo.  I could not pay attention to the game.  She just wasn't going to win.  Sebastian was under the cookie table at this point eating left overs.

When Ceal's delicious teacher was reading a book at the end of the party I was in the back of the room holding Sebastian with all of my might.  I looked at Ceal across the room and she smiled so big.
It just didn't seem to matter that I couldn't be like the other moms in her class today. 

As we drove home, Sebastian and Ceal were dancing, clapping, and laughing to Nicki Minaj on the radio, and I thought, "This is what matters.  We may have it crazier than others, but what a full life she has with this brother of hers."

Who is with me?

I always try and think of something wonderful I can give up for lent...

Last year was television and it suited me well.

This year I am on a Rice and Beans diet for 31 days.  The whole month of March for my brothers and sisters in Africa.

You must watch this video
Rice & Beans from Lahash International on Vimeo.

Chosen.

I always tell Ceal she was chosen to be Sebastian's, M's, and D's, sister.  She has a very important role in this life.  She is to love and encourage 3 boys forever.

Yesterday, we were sitting around our table eating when Cealy said, "I can't believe I get to be their sister.  I have so much to teach them."  I love that she feels so special in our journey together.

I have this tattoo.  CHOSEN.  I got it many years ago with my little sister.  Being the great older sister that I am...I made her go first.  No tears, in fact she told me it didn't hurt.  My older sister got a Christian fish on her ankle and no tears so I jumped up on the table and realized my sisters have a pain tolerance that is not normal.  I begged our tattoo artist to "plaaaeeeaaassee stop," but he thought, "Cho" would not benefit me.

Everyone has a different feeling about this word.  I am certainly not comparing myself to Jesus, as He is our chosen one.  I feel the word has made a big impact on my life and thus holds much importance.  I feel I was chosen for the life I am living.  I feel my children were chosen for Danny and I.  I feel my precious twins were chosen for us.  This is why my role as their mother is so special.  God chose two boys for our family, but ultimately all my children are His first.  

I have heard all the things to say or not to say in the adoption world.  It is overwhelming.  Make sure you never say this.... Make sure you say this, but not this...Some people say not to burden your children with the word, chosen.  But my boys were chosen.  They were chosen by our Father and His Son.  So when they look around at this huge world and wonder so many things, they can remember this:  They were chosen for this life.  They are so very special. 

No More Babies, Yikes.

Ewww, Weee there was a good article in the Wall Street Journal called, "America's Baby Bust."  What?  You read WSJ?  No, not on the regular, but I look for articles on this country you may know of that is so near and dear to my heart.  I usually spend a good amount of time looking words up...can't figure out what the sentence really means if I am skipping words. 

We, as in Americans, are not having babies anymore.  Our fertility rate is drastically falling.  This is not good.  For years we have heard, "There are too many people!  If the population keeps growing, we will run out of food, blah blah blah blah,"  Which is not so much true.  Actually with us not having babies we are creating problems for our country.  97% of us live in a country where the fertility rates are falling.  One country is buying more adult diapers than they are baby diapers this year...Yikes.  Interesting my friends, very interesting.

The whole time I am reading this, I want the writer to get to the point.  Okay, so why are we not having babies?  Money?  Expectations?  Infertility?  I am under the impression that there are several reasons, but a big reason was disturbing...Happiness.

People who have less children are happier.  What?  Yes, that is what research concludes.  We have changed the way we live in the last 40 years.  People's happiness depends what?  Things and independence I guess?  What a flawed world we live in. 

College is a huge reason why we don't have babies anymore.  The cost has gone up 1,000% since 1960.  Yikes.  We need to work on this one.  Daycare is out of control expensive.  The article came up with all sorts of different ways we would hike the baby making like tax breaks. 

What do you think?  Do you think more people would have children if they had more money?  Or do we prefer every child to have their own rooms and two children is the norm?  I do not know the answer to this one.  Let's discuss, shall we?

Winter Days Part 2.

What to do today?

Bounce House Party in the basement.

Hide out in Sebastian's time out mobile.

A little music before dinner.

Pretty sure these things are not intended for this...

Playdoh Fun before Sebastian put it in Cruz's hair...

Picnic in the "Diamond room." 

Not suppose to sit on TOP of the toy bin...

What?  I grabbed these from the pantry.

A valuable in the trash...everyday.  Why is this fun?

All the kiddos together for Nick and Siera's baby shower.  We have been friends since high school!  They all play together so well.  Crazy loud, but Oh So Fun!

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly.

I cried a lot yesterday.  Adoption is not easy...but the best things in life are far from easy.  We received an email that our adoption along with everyone else was to be pushed back another 3-6 months.  They wanted to ensure ethical practices.  That is why I went with my agency.  They are built on being ethical.  I hold this very close to my heart as does everyone I know adopting.

So while I respect the reason whole heartedly, my heart drops for my sons.  I wanted them home.  I wanted to hug them, rock them, feed them, sleep with them.  I had envisioned the best 31st birthday in March with all 4 of my babies.  It hurts.

I sat and read the email for the 10th time hoping it said something different, and I got a text.  A girlfriend of mine who has been at this longer than our family was sending me bible verses to stay strong.  "And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.  If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:28  God has a purpose, and His purpose may not make me happy at every turn, but His purpose is far greater than my happiness.

If everything would have gone the exact way I wanted it...my life would be much different.  I would be in agony, because God has much more wisdom than I could ever dream. 

I continue to be so thankful I am on this journey.