Because They Lived.

Yesterday, I just needed to know, we would be okay.  I just needed to know they would be okay.  That was keeping me up.  That was the lump in my throat.  How will I tell Cealy, if they don't come home? How will I help Danny when I will be hurting too?  Will they always be loved?  Will they have an earthly family to encourage them?

I was staring off in space at dinner when Cealy said, "God, please bring Dominic, Malachi, and Rosalie home."  I looked up, and saw that she was looking at me.  She read my face.  Amanda, stop it.

I finally said it out loud, well rather on text.  I asked 3 women who have lived this with me, if we would be okay?  I read words like resilient and Jesus and then, "Yes, you all will be fine."  That sealed it.  I have to remember God will bring us through.  He will take care of all of us, no matter the outcome.  And in heaven, we will recognize each other's faces and rejoice. 

I do not know if we are going to bring home our 3 beautiful children.  That is the beauty of not seeing the future.  Like Julia Roberts said in, Osage County (good movie by the way), "If we saw the future, we would never get out of bed."  We have prayed over them, dreamed over them, cried over them, loved them, and learned far more in this life because they lived.  It was not for nothing.  It was to change the lives of two adults who could use the changing.  I know God's story for us is much better than my own.  

I realized we were on pause.  Do you know how many clothes, my Sebastian has not worn, because, Malachi and Dominic couldn't?  Too many.  Yesterday, I pulled the bin out of his closet, and he cannot fit into them now.  I was so mad at myself.  I waited and waited, because I just couldn't stand the thought of him in pajamas that were meant for all 3 of our boys.  It is silly really.

Thank you for praying for us, loving us, asking us questions, and loving children you have never met.  From the beginning, I always asked God to use us.  It is my prayer that they know Jesus and they feel loved.

One thing I learned on this beautiful journey, is my experience adopting is mine, and no one else's.  To mark adoptions as a whole, because of what may have happened in your situation is wrong.  There are far more beautiful adoptions than those that are unsettling.  Telling your story, whatever the outcome, is important.  Just remember it is yours, not your neighbors.

Because they lived, we live better.  We are the ones who are blessed.