Breastfeeding.

Ewww, weeee did you read that title?  Yes, I put it out there.  I just decided that we needed to talk about breastfeeding today.

I have a hard time talking about this.  Good Lord, I wanted to breastfeed my children, I really did.  And the pressure the La Leche League and everyone else puts on a new mother is more than a little lady can handle. 

I had dreams folks.  I was going to be a breastfeeding machine.  I was going to give my children the upper hand in life and give them all the nutrients they desired.  And then the day came.  My Cecilia was born.  And it was hell.  And I don't mean it hurt a little and I had to forge through it, I mean pure, hell.  I got mastitis and if anyone remembers I was in the ER with 4 med students looking directly at my breasts nodding, "Okay, so this is what mastitis looks like."  I was suppose to wake up at night and feed my baby, and then pump, and then fall asleep real quick, and then wake up again.  Ummm, what?

I was a mess.  Day two with Sebastian I was pumping bottles of blood.  True.Story.

So I watch my little sister just breastfeed her baby away with ease.  I hear the mother next door just say how easy it has been and how "her little feeder must be going through a growth spurt, because she is just feeding all day"  And I wonder how women do it.

I understand I had issues.  But I have to say I am jealous of all the women who just walk around and carry on conversations all the while their child is just feeding away.

So to my mothers who were not able to succeed, I just want to tell you that I get it.  My youngest is two years old and I still struggle with the fact that I was not able to breastfeed my children.  And yes I tried for a couple or weeks or so but this was a failure for me.  And the pressure women get, Ugg.  Just makes me so mad.  Give us a break, Geesh.