2 weeks Home.

We are almost two weeks home, and I am not sure how we ever lived without our sons. Dominic and Malachi laugh most of the day. They are curious about everything. How about opening all the drawers and cabinets in the house? Now I want to run about the stairs and see if I can get down. Yes, I have one sucker, but I'd like 12? I am doubling up on food, because they will have seconds and thirds on anything pasta related.

Dan is at work, and we have set into a minor routine. About 6 weeks in, I will have school in the mornings to review words, colors, shapes, etc. For now, we are playing and learning about one another. I hear, "Mommy," all day long, and I cannot tell you how amazing that sound is to my ears. A woman laughed at My Gym today saying, "I thought I heard that word a lot but you have it covered." Yes, all four of our sweets like Mommy to watch everything they do.

I am tired. I never really had time to sit before the arrival of our twins, but now my legs are begging for mercy. Right now, Cealy, Sebastian, Malachi, and Dominic are sleeping. They usually rest for an hour and then are ready to rumble until 8:30pm. They play hard. They play games, and I am most thankful for Summer, because we spend all day outside.

With my first classroom in Chicago, I wanted the kids to have fun. I wanted them to LOVE coming to school. I bought bean bag chairs and couches. I bought big pillows for the ground and made forts. After week one, when I cried everyday after class, my principle directed me to take it away and use it when they deserve it. Life was so much easier. My kids felt safer, because my rules were put into place so that you treated others with respect in order to have fun. It is a lot like our home lives. I want Dominic and Malachi to feel safe and loved. We started rules and structure right away. Everyone is treated the same around here. Sure, Cealy has more freedoms, because she helps me out more, but respect is mandated. We have a "think about it chair," that is used frequently. I even have to visit it, when I need a minute.  We are doing really well. Dominic and Malachi love to cuddle and ask for hugs and kisses every hour. Ummmm, of course I will! Thank you Jesus. I am bring stretched, and I am learning. Isn't that what life is suppose to be about? For now I am off to lay down.

Oh my heart. I love them.

Cealy: "I wasn't sleeping Mom, I was just chillin." Gotcha.

Pop rented a pontoon for the day. Our kids had the time of their lives. He took us to lunch and let everyone drive the boat at least twice. We are so blessed with him and Nana in our lives.

They are home!

Yes, you heard it right. Dominic and Malachi are home. We are so thankful to everyone who played a part in their homecoming, especially the ones who signed their exit letters.

This is what we looked like for 3 hours waiting for their beautiful faces to come into view.

They were escorted by the most amazing staff. We decided not to travel knowing we will be back very soon for our Rosalie. When I saw their sweet faces in their Congolese clothing, I nearly fainted. I could not believe how much I needed them. They were overwhelmed. Once home they smiled and laughed until it was time for bed. They may have gone down the slide 100 times. Dominic giggled on the swing. Malachi became instantly attached to Cecilia, asking where she was anytime she walked away."Say Seal ya?"

We are so happy. We laugh, run around, eat, run errands, eat, play a game, eat, play tag, eat, play cars, eat, and then start our day again. They are sleeping very well. All our kiddos are in the same room. That is the way our Cecilia wanted it. She wanted to sleep with her brothers. I slept with them the first night and then put a video monitor in there to keep an eye on my little boys.

Many times, I wondered how I was going to get through the heartache of them not being home. I wanted to give up. I didn't want to think about it anymore. Then I would take a deep breath, ask God for help, and try again. There was also so many amazing people God put into my life to keep me faithful and encouraged. You know who you are. A simple message one day would completely change my outlook. Thank you.

An hour after meeting for the first time. I was up front and Dan said, "Amanda look back." Oh my heart. Are you serious? That is Jesus right there in the middle.

They are doing wonderfully. We spent a week with them in Congo, which was amazing and so worth it. We were able to see how amazing, resilient, and loving their culture (now ours) is, and how important it is to celebrate the DRC. They eat everything. Their favorite is hot dogs and macaroni and cheese. They L.O.V.E. ketchup. They will lick their plates clean with some ketchup. We gave them a popsicle yesterday and Malachi was pretty perplexed. Cealy tried to show him the way to eat it, but something that cold made absolutely no sense to him. I love it!! They also love syrup. I gave them pancakes with syrup on a different plate, thinking they would not like the taste. Um no, they licked those plates too. They love to give hugs and kisses. And anytime Dan says Usuba (pee) or Usumba (poop) they laugh hysterically. Typical boys. My heart is so full.

Dominic and Malachi are overwhelmed, but I had to show you their Congolese clothing. I must get Sebastian one and Cealy a dress.

We Are Back.

We are home. I struggle to find the words to talk about our children, so I do a really great job talking about something else. Mother's day was perfect. Heck, this whole weekend was more than I could ask for. Saturday we planted flowers all day. Cealy and Sebastian had the best time ever. Sebastian played with the hose for hours and Cealy helped me plant flowers. We laughed and ran around outside. That night we went to celebrate my sister's birthday. Dan has been so kind and funny to get us through leaving our 3 children behind. If I am quite for longer than a minute, he wants to know what is wrong. He just simply gets it, which is refreshing. Then he asks me to tell the birds to quit eating our birdseed in a single day, because we are already supporting 5 children and can't support 100 birds. Good laughs from him, I tell you. Mother's Day, we didn't plan a thing, and the day turned out to be my absolute favorite. We dropped by my mom's house in the morning and enjoyed her and Steve. We went to my girlfriend's house for her son's dedication. So many of her friends and family were thoughtful and would drop by, and say they were praying for us. Love their hearts.

We miss them terribly. There are times I am an ostrich and I bury by head in the sand so that I don't have to think about what they are doing without us. I stare into space a lot. Then I pray and am brought back to the fact, that God loves them first. I am human. So yes, I am angry and sad. God does a fabulous job of steering me away from being selfish or obsessed with my own thoughts. A friend in my neighborhood introduced me to a family whose son was recently diagnosed with cancer. They have 4 children and their 2 year-old son is going through treatment for the next 3 years. Helping others can be selfish at times, because it makes you feel better, and focus on someone else. They are amazing, and help me remember what matters in this world.

I can't talk about our children, because I am hurt. And then the natural response is, but you got to meet them and get that time with them. And believe me, I wrestle with that silver lining, but right now I am struggling with how children can be kept from their family. My wonderful neighbor hopped the fence to ask about our trip, and I just couldn't find the words. I am thankful. I am grateful, but talking about them brings so many tears. The image of our daughter waving from a car with confused tears. I blame myself. It is natural, I suppose. Am I suppose to be learning a lesson? Were my friends whose children are home better and that is why their children are home?

I miss holding them. I miss their hugs. Rosalie did my hair in the morning. She would brush it and braid it into sections. Malachi was her assistant. I miss stretching myself, because let's be real it was hard. It was very hard. And then you come home and guilt sets in. I feel terrible for things I forgot to say and do while we were there. I should have brought more clothes and toys, but we already filled an entire suitcase for them. Thank you for your prayers, meals, cards, and love. I hope you know how much we talk about you and appreciate your support.

Why Are You Visiting?

It wasn't until the shutdown, that I ever gave a thought to, "Your children may never come home." They were legally ours. We celebrated. We bought bunk beds, 3 more of everything, and mentally prepared ourselves for a family of seven. We were elated. Our children not coming home? That thought never entered my mind.

Today, life is different. I know that my 3 children may never come to our home. I mourned that thought months ago. I still cry about it a couple times a week, and wake at night. I am still confused and ask Why? Everyday. But ultimately, I don't need to know that answer. They are God's children first. It pains me, but it is with reason.

Love in our home looks like a couple of things. Reading books and snuggling. Baking. Listening. Singing and cleaning. Laughing. Chasing and tickling. Time-outs and learning. Dancing. Hair doing, bath giving, train playing, no more energy, nickname giving love. Love Does. I read the book in a week- so life-changing.

Dominic, Malachi, and Rosalie deserve that love. They deserve the love that does. The love that visits and does what they can in a short amount of time to show 3 children that we love them to the moon and back. And if this is the last time we are together, they saw love. We saw love. Because when they are grown and look back on a tiny amount of time with two people who loved them very much, they might know what love looks like. After all, they changed our lives for the better, and they deserve a thank you.

Mentally Taxed.

I am emotionally drained. That's all. Please pray for our children, their hearts, their futures. We so much appreciate your prayers.

Confessions of the Absentee Voter.

Wait, before you judge, I voted in our last election. I chose the president I felt would lead our country in the right way, but then I skimmed through everyone else. Eenie, meenie, miney, moe. And sometimes I didn't vote. What did I care? How will this vote affect me? Sure, I was a teacher. But getting too involved with politics was too much work. I enjoyed being the laid back, don't worry about this and that, type of gal. Besides, people talk about people who care too much, who advocate too much, who are too involved with stuff, and I don't want to be talked about.

But then the day came, that all those decisions I didn't make mattered. My children are not able to come home. We have complied with everything we need to do, followed all the rules, and yet, our children cannot come home. So I called the Vice President. After all, I voted for him. You know it turns out, you cannot get the vice president on the phone. "You will have to put into writing why you want to talk with the vice president, Miss." Oh. Okay. So what do I do now? Ohhh, that is why I was not suppose to play my fifth-grade game mentioned above? I have to make relationships with my congresswomen/men and senators? But how?

Step one, I have to call them. One of my favorite people on this planet works for Senator Donnelly. She gave me a phone number and contact person to help with our adoption. But would he help? Turns out he called me after every meeting and update. This did not happen with my other senator's office. So hadn't Senator Donnelly been elected, I would have had zero help. This is why you vote. You find the compassionate, truth-seeking, righting a wrong senators and you vote for them. Because it will affect you eventually. Believe me, I am your witness.

I was invited to meet with Congresswoman Susan Brook's office. I explained what was happening, and asked for help. I wrote an email to Mary, who was on vacation, but still emailed me back, because she cared. I cried during the meeting, so Mary grabbed me tissues and took notes. The next day, I received a letter from my congresswoman, Susan Brooks. She wanted to help. I remember reading the email with tears running down my face, because someone cared. Someone also thought that my children should come home, and put that into writing. I wanted to hug her.

I spoke with two people in Congressman Carson's office; the chief-of-staff who was incredibly knowledgeable and helpful and Kathy who worked with adoption cases. Kathy would talk on the phone until you were ready to get off. Not her, but you. She took her time talking with my family, and myself about what was a heartbreaking reality for us. She didn't hush our concerns, but let us talk.

I will vote for each one of these people down the road. But I will go a step further, and look into everyone running. I will study senator's and representative's positions on things that matter and vote accordingly. I will only play Eenie, meenie, miney, moe with my children.

Voting matters.

Thank you.

Dear Friends,

       We cannot thank you enough for your support. We knew we loved our children, but your love for them has shined through, punched us in the gut, and made me cry. And for those who know me, I was called "the rock" by my friends in high school for never crying. But today life is different. Today, I can't seem to stop crying. I never in my wildest dreams thought so many people would sign a petition, or ask others to sign, or walk around their office asking for signatures, or tweat for more signatures, or make phone calls, the list goes on. We love the Democratic Republic of Congo. We will forever love this amazing country for our three precious children. Adopting is a privilege. We are privileged to be the parents to 5 children, 3 of which bless us with another culture to love and celebrate. We will spend our lives trying to make God, Jesus, and our brothers and sisters in the Democratic Republic of Congo proud. Thank you again. I am hugging you all today, tomorrow, and forever.

Love, Me