It's Her Turn.

Our oldest daughter is seven years old. She is extremely bright, hardworking, playful, and silly. My stomach was in knots before our first meeting. She was not going to like me? "Don't expect much, Amanda," is what Danny would always tell me. "I know what you are hoping for, and I just don't want you to be hurt."

Then the day came. The first time I saw her, she ran and leaped into my arms. It was a scene out of a movie. She smiled so big, I could see she was losing teeth and some were growing in. She held my hand everywhere and would just stare at me, as if she was dreaming. I still can't believe how much she trusted me, and loved me right away. She loved my hair. She braided it and brushed it over and over again. I have never in all my life seen a child eat as fast as our oldest daughter. She would cram all the noodles in her mouth and ask for more. Her first taste of ice cream kept her giggling for hours. She, Dominic, and Malachi would stir the ice cream until it was soup, and then lick the spoon until all was gone. She would write her name on her new whiteboard, say her numbers and abcs. She ran faster than me, started swimming right away, and quickly became my hero in 8 short days.

The last time I saw her she was waving goodbye. She wasn't looking at me the same way. She was so confused. But you are my mother? I couldn't explain it, because I was gasping for air. I tried not to cry, but I was weeping telling her goodbye. I promised I would come back for her. Danny promised we would bring her home.

Dan came to me a couple of nights ago, and said he was going to make another trip to see our daughter. He can't stand the thought of her wondering why her parents came for her brothers and not her. I can't tell you how much guilt I have over this decision. I kept thinking I couldn't do this to our precious girl, but then I couldn't leave Dominic and Malachi without a mommy and daddy either. I sit here crying just thinking about how angry I am that I made that decision. Or that I was forced to make that decision.

I have so much to make up for. I promise to spend my lifetime making it up to her, if she will only be allowed home. Please pray for all the children who have families who love them and want them home.