She called me Mama.

My little girl sent me a message.  In it, she called me Mama.  I must have watched the video a hundred times, and Cealy watched it one hundred more.  She kept asking, "She is my sister, right?"  Adopting an older child, brings on more questions for me than a baby.  I wonder if she will call me, Mommy?  I wonder if she will like me?  I wonder if she will want to share her memories?  Will she be afraid?  All the emotions she should feel...I just wonder if she will ever want to call me Mommy?

Two beautiful friends of mine visited my children.  They talked to them, took pictures with them, and loved on them while I cannot.  Both of my friends were experiencing great pain and grief of their own, but crept outside of it for me.  They were leaving their children in a few short hours, after fighting for them for weeks.  I heard their sadness, their aching hearts, but constantly reassured me.  They are such generous, selfless people.  I will never forget their love. 

My boys were eating the whole time, and while I was so afraid by one of my son's weight, she assured me he was doing well.  He talked her ear off.  One is shy, just like my Cealy.  One is a talker, the other a runner. 

For now, I pray.  I watch their videos constantly.  I look at her smile, and rest in Jesus taking care of them while I can't.  I turn from anger.  At least I try.  I am angry, but it doesn't look good on me.  It doesn't feel right.  I am reading, The 21 Most Effective Prayers of the Bible, by Dave Earley.  I love reading about people who relied on God for everything.  People who lived with humility, shame, sinned, but prayed to God throughout their days, everyday.  It helps me stay hopeful.

She called me, Mama.  I think I'll go watch that video a hundred more times.  Thank you both, two beautiful women who I met through such a tough time, but whose friendships have made me a better person.