No Joke.

Every single time I visit Danny's grandmother at her Memory Care Home, I need the caregivers to give me the code to leave. 

Today, one of the caregivers, who is funny and loves her patients, says, "You know the code has not changed once since she has been here right?"

So what you are telling me is in the 20+ times I have visited, I can't remember the code to get out, and you are saving me a room for the future?

No Joke.  #worstmemoryever.

They are His Children First.

We get to go meet our precious children sometime soon.  I can't even tell you the excitement I feel at seeing them.  I just want to hug them, tell them I love them, and explain the big family they having waiting for them back in their new home.  I want to tell them that we will be back to visit their first home many times.  I want to tell them that we love their first home, and feel special being part of it now as a complete family of 7.

I feel privileged to be visiting such an amazing country.  I feel privileged to be amongst this new culture and learn new things. 

I had much anxiety about getting my children home now.  I want them home.  My heart aches without them.  I read the bible everyday and keep asking God to please help me see this from His point of view.  It was then I took a step back and placed these problems into His hands that I finally relaxed.

Dominic, Malachi, and Rosalie, are His children first.  They are not mine.  Dominic, Malachi, and Rosalie are their Africa Mommy and Daddy's second.  They are not only mine.  We have been privileged to know them, love them, and dream for them.  When they come home will be God's perfect timing.  It is hard.  I pray for a miracle everyday.  I pray that God opens the hearts of those that can send our children home with us.  But until then, I will live joyfully knowing I get to wrap my arms around them and whisper, "You will always be loved." 

Some Fall Fun.

Soccer season is over but good thing Sebastian had his buddy to sit alongside the field and watch soccer unfold. 

They enjoyed sitting in the sideline chairs better than playing.  At one point Cealy told me she just follows Taylor all over the field...not the soccer ball.  Yikes.  It really helped she had two friends with her always. 

I miss this chick so much.  Just holding her during the day was so good for my mood.  Can't wait for her return in December.  I kept all her baby toys out for her return.

I am surrounded by cuteness!  Adam and Ashley's daughter is to die for!!

We left the city for a bit and headed to Michigan!  Dan's co-worker is about the most fun person ever and let us stay at her house there.  We went to a carnival where Sebastian rode a horse and Cealy played in the bounce house.  We ate ice-cream, because you cannot vacation and not eat ice-cream.  We ate Mexican food, my favorite!  We played hide and go seek outside at night, roasted marshmellows, and watched a movie.  I attempted a 300 piece puzzle.  I was doing good until I realized that two of the four animals were the same color and all the pieces looked the same.  Guess and check...not my style.

I am reading a book about parenting children from hard places.  One of the activities was to play with rice and hide small toys.  I am starting to get together things like this to do.  I pulled it out for Cealy and Sebastian and they loved it!  I also added a tupperware of beans.  As they were playing, I realized that this activity will not be suitable for our 3 coming home.  This is the meal they have eaten everyday since birth.

She is so awesome. My biggest helper.  She asks Sebastian if he needs to go potty, tells him to eat all his food or no snack, and plays with him all day.  If he hits her she says, "Just say sorry to me and I'll forgive you."  She tells me everything is he trying to say.  It is amazing how reasoning with her has made such a difference.  When I am making dinner, she knows that if her and Sebastian argue that can't watch a show before bed.  Cealy keeps bringing me things for her sister.  "I want her to have this."  "Will you tell her this for me, Mommy?"  Her imagination and her questions astound me.  "So you are telling me that our brothers and sister don't live in Heaven, but they can't live with us right now?"  This morning she is captain of her ship.  We argue about clothes, and she looks like she is dressed for Wacky Wednesday about everyday. 

Everything about him makes me smile.  He is the snuggliest lover ever.  His hugs make me feel like the most special mother on earth.  He is talking so much!  He loves for me to hold him and sing (unlike Ceal who tell me that she can't enjoy the song if I am singing).  He loves "Finding Nemo," and "Calliou."  He loves to read, run, hug, say he's sorry, tell people they are mean, and go anywhere and everywhere with me.  He is the best at hide and go seek.  He can seriously not move or breathe, it cracks me up.  He runs into church now and into his class.  He throws the world's biggest tantrums.  I had to unhook his legs off the toy riding horse at the grocery this weekend, while he screamed the whole way out.  He understands time-outs now, but cries for me while there, and my heart melts.  I am so in love with this guy.

To Be Jonah.

Remember the story.  God gave Jonah an important job, but Jonah wasn't having any of it...so he ran.  I remember laughing when reading the whole story in my Life Application Study Bible months ago.  I mean really Jonah, hiding from God who sees everything?  You are not very bright.  Fast forward a couple of months, and I too was thinking about all the places I could hide out for awhile.  I started an important journey awhile back, and I am too scared to finish.  God has a path outlined for me, but I am not so sure I want to take it.  I am scared.  My basement has lots of good hideouts.  I could at least survive a couple of weeks, but could I be quiet?  But I wanted this!!  But I am really scared.  But I didn't sign up for this part!!  But God's plans are different from my own. 

I am following it.  I don't want to be swallowed by a whale, as that route seems even scarier than the one we are about to go on...Stay tuned.

His Second Mom.

I am running around the house trying to get Sebastian to open his mouth so I can see his throat.  Cealy has been sick.  Sebastian coughs every 2 minutes.  So I am trying to tackle him and then?  Not sure how the opening of the mouth thing will happen.  The whole time Cealy is watching me.  She says, "Want me to help?"  She walks over to me and says, "Mom, want to see inside my mouth?"  And then she opens her mouth.  After this, Sebastian pushes her aside and opens his mouth for me.  All in the name of Cecilia.

The next day we are going to Target.  One of my closest friends...Target.  I am louring the cats kids to the car and I say, "When we get there, we can get cake pops!!!"  Sebastian starts screaming.  I mean he is really crying.  And I am baffled.  I mean, they love the cake pops at Starbucks when we arrive and Mama really likes her coffee.  Cealy says, "Mommy, we need to call the cake pops, suckers, because Sebastian thinks a balloon is going to pop when you say the word, pop, and we know he is scared of that."  Well, I didn't think about calling them suckers.
All in the name of Cecilia.

WSJ Find.

Noooo, I don't read this on the regular, but I sure do look for anything that interests me. 

This weekend, I read an article called, "Touch Teachers Get Results."  And while I may not agree with the whole thing, most if it was my style.  I was a tough teacher.  I sent home lots of work.  And believe me, I knew my parents had to do it as well.  That was the purpose.  I was hard on all of my kids.  They all knew I loved them.  I pushed them, because they were worth it.  This week one of my first students called me to tell me she was eligible for any high school in Chicago.  "What!?!"  "Oh yes, I am and I haven't even told my mom, I am calling you first."  Talk about the sweetest things in life.  I will remember that moment forever.  I had tears in my eyes, while listening to her talk all about which ones she liked best.  This precious child came into my classroom reading well below grade level.  She left reading at grade level, because she was a hard worker.  She put in the time.  Her life will always remind me that hard work and discipline pays off.

As I was reading, "Tough Teachers Get Results," I was taking notes.  I still anticipate getting back to the classroom.  But God also had another plan for me.  I was to read this for parenting help as well.  One of the strategies was telling a child they are "a hard worker," and not telling a child they are smart.  There is something very wise about that.  Being told you are smart leads you to believe that you can't make mistakes or struggle.  Being told you are smart and then failing sends you into a downward tailspin.  "I can't fail if I am smart, I must not be smart."  But if you are constantly told you are a hard worker, then struggling makes sense.  Because hard workers struggle.  They work until they get it right and a lot of times it takes failing to get it right.  I always catch myself telling Cecilia she is smart all the time.  Now when she finishes a puzzle or "reads" through her books, I tell her she is "such a hard worker, and hard workers can do anything!"  Today we raked the leaves and when we finished she looked at me and said, "We are such hard workers, we did all that!"  Yep, love me so good articles that help me encourage our children better. 


*This week was beautiful.  I am talking sun a shining, outside everyday, people smiling, beautiful.  I am so grateful for this beautiful life.  So thankful to God for His unfailing love.  Mackenzie staying with us these past 3 weeks have been more fun than I put into words.  It is so much fun to have a baby around again.  Baby swings, bouncers, and baby toys all over the house.  Yep, I am that crazy chick who loves baby stuff around.  Praying always for our precious children so far away.  Praying that if God needs this time to work on other things through them or me that I have the courage to wait, for however long that may be...  

To Be Honest.

It might be hard to understand.  How am I so emotionally attached to children I have not met?  God put them on my heart over a year ago.  Their pictures are in every room of my house, on my phone, in my car, at my parents' offices, on our family calendars, and on the refrigerators of all my family and friends.  I talk to everyone about them.  Yes, every cashier in Indiana knows I have 5 children, but 3 of them live very far away.

Last week I was in a fog.  Maybe I still am.  I went the wrong way to the grocery.  I was stopped at a green light.  People call and leave voice mails, or email, and I am too heartbroken to respond.  I believe He will fight for us, the only one who can truly help us.  God will bring them home.  Right?  To be honest, I don't know.

I have screamed out to God.  "Jesus, why?  Please help me understand."  Then I tell myself it wasn't meant to be.  We were meant to love them and pray for them, but not to raise them.  God knows better than us.  It is okay.  We will go on, and other blessings will rain down on us.  The next minute, I am calling my girlfriends (also adopting) and telling them we are getting our babies soon.  "Let's book a flight and fight for them."  Then, I fall to my knees in prayer and cry out again for help.

I've had many "un-Christ" like moments.  I am angry with Him.  Why did you lead me down this path?  I am emotionally exhausted.  I am so angry!  I don't want to go to church.  I don't want to run into anyone I know.  I have cried with my little sister so many times, she is probably pumped to get back to Swizerland.  I told her I must have done something to not deserve them.  And to be honest, I really feel that way.  She listens and then speaks truth.  It is always good for me to hear.  I read His word everyday, but to be honest I still feel broken. 

To be honest, I get on the computer too much.  Sundays are no computer, FB, or email days.  I read a blog that shows a father's fight to get his daughter home today.  He has been fighting for 6 years.  And I crumble.

It is not Him doing this.  The world's problems are not brought on by Him.  These are trials.  Many people go through much worse.  To be honest, praying for those around me helps me out of these "me problems."

Today I am praying for the hearts of those who can help us.